i try

*poem written as a prompt from L.C.

i

try.

i carry oversized gift bags on the bus

and hang torn earphones from my neck.

chin stuck to ice smudged windows,

i hum of make-believe merriment

and rip price tags smoothly.

i

try.

i fold myself in silk ribbons

and curl my yore in matching jumpers

i paint my face in red and green

and break two fingers flattening pink wish cards.

i crunch on gingerbread

and choke on warmth at noon.

i

try.

i eat cold pizza and squint at christmas rom-coms in the mornings

i munch on burnt popcorn and adorn plastic trees at midnights,

gracelessly.

i watch friends unwrap my presents and rest my forehead on their shoulders

how did you know?

they kiss my hair

this is the best gift i’ve ever got

i

try.

i fly home

i cry on the plane

i smile at my mother

i crumble in my room

i try.

i am insomniac and slippery

but i try.