you elude me,
my Beloved.
your nectarous call
trickles in my ears
and i run to you,
maddened.
i run to you,
enamoured,
clothed by longing
and with tears as jewels.
i run to you,
bare,
silk dress in shreds,
ripped slippers.
i’ve been running to you
since before i was born.
i am tired, Hari.
my dignity and pride
are long forgotten.
my toenails are cracked,
the skin peels off my feet.
my hair is rumpled,
my breasts are bruised;
your wayward bride.
whenever i get close
to throwing myself at your feet
my mind entangles me.
my wrongs push against my bones
and i fall on my face.
my blood smears the ground
and i grovel. i cry. i howl.
when your nectarous call
trickles in my ears,
i jolt forwards.
and i run to you,
maddened.
~ poem to Madhav, published in Śabda Magazine, volume II. my offering of longing as we approach the auspicious day of Vijayadaśamī! may we be victorious in our quest to merge with the Divine Beloved. 
amaryllis 