Tag: tantra

espresso as sacrament | coffee explorations per the bittermatrix blueprint

Téa NicolaeLeave a comment

curated espresso can unlock the bitter-sweet complex or the tikta madhur rasa, one of the six rasas or complexes of Āyurveda. i have written about this algorithm with reference to the astringency complex that can be accessed through single malt scotch, which triggers a process of systemic cleansing. similarly, accessing the bitter-sweet complex in its purity has significant impact: as explained by Dr. Sumit Kesarkar in the BitterMatrix foundational video, it pacifies the inflammatory parameters that occur when the system is overwhelmed or overloaded by hormones or metabolic waste that it cannot digest and cannot throw out.

image credit: Unsplash, Nathan Dumlao

i introduced espresso as a sacrament in my dinacaryā in spring last year, in what happened to be a period of extreme stress for me. notably, i didn’t introduce espresso because i was in a period of stress, and i did not begin exploring with a set target, the events just happened to align in this way sequentially. as i have previously shared on my social media, i have exhibited symptoms of mild ocd since childhood, which used to be triggered and intensified in periods of high stress.

this was the case in spring, as well; my system became overwhelmed while trying to process the stressful input i was receiving and my mind became prone to compulsions. although i was using mind-based techniques (such as REBT) and other tools to process and manage myself, it was only when espresso was coincidentally introduced that i was able to reach a baseline on top of which the mind-based techniques could function effectively, and on top of which my whisky explorations came as a most effective culmination.

the transmutation was definitely not easy nor an over-night one, yet i can confidently share that through the combination of these tools, themselves entwined with tools of sound and breath of experiential Tantra, my mental landscape is incredibly different than it was almost a year ago. in fact, i find that the tools are continuously rewiring it on an almost day to day basis, as experiential Tantra goes.

additionally, i have learned that incipient academic studies are being conducted on the effects that caffeine (espresso or dark coffee). additionally, i have learned that incipient academic studies are being conducted on the effects that caffeine (such as espresso or dark coffee) have on treating conditions such as ocd, which i’m very excited about. will share more about my own explorations and the BitterMatrix research, too.

Sound Explorations: the Siddhāntas of Kamalātmikā and Bagalāmukhī {Collection of Algorithms} on the AshZero Platform

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Kamalātmikā Siddhānta: documented entry date, 1st december 2023.

tomorrow marks three weeks of my second continuous sound exploration of the Kamalātmikā siddhānta (collection of algorithms) through @theashzero offering of Sounds of Śakti, for which @lensonearth created a series of sound containers (sensory or audio-visual blueprints) that aim to project as derivatives of the siddhānta of Veda & Tantra, in this expansion of bījā (seed) as layered on mātṛkā & Maheśvara sūtra.

in embarking on experimentation with another wavelength, i decided not to choose one consciously with the intention to not allow any bias inferred by my programmed sense projections to influence my decision process & ulterior experience. i therefore randomly clicked on a sound, and followingly listened to it every morning and every evening, generally 4-5 times each. in the morning, after drinking espresso as sacrament, in the evening, after imbibing single malt as sacrament.

although i aimed to approach this exploration with complete freshness & to renounce any prior knowledge or expectation, there was some linearity around having explored with one ‘different’ sound already. however, the awareness of another sound quickly faded. when listening, there was no ‘other’ sound i had explored with – the sound was complete in itself. the experiences that sprang from the sound were complete in themselves. further, it would be futile to try to compare my experiences with the two sounds – in fact, it would be futile to even try to compare my experiences with the same sound in-between themselves, as even in a round of listening consecutively to one, each listening was distinct yet not separate as well as complete, with the ear picking on different frequencies, the body absorbing it in unique sensorial ways.

in the first session of Sounds of Śakti, Dr. Sumit said that, although presented as a series, each Mahāvidyā is complete, and each session is complete. we approach them as a series only as a reference point, but there is no need to approach the Mahāvidyās as such if you connect with one in completeness. my recent sound exploration offered an experiential glimpse into this.

as a final observation that i aim to make without assigning validations of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ to the process, looking back to the last 7 weeks, i have spontaneously made very different or ‘new’ choices in the realm of resources / resourcefulness or ārtha, which the Kamalātmikā siddhānta taps into.

Bagalāmukhī Siddhānta: documented entry date, 29th of december 2023.

i have been exploring the siddhantā {collection of algorithms} of the Mahāvidyā Bagalāmukhī for about one month now, through audio-visual blueprints {sound & images encoded through the algorithm of varṇa – svara -vyañjana} & colour spectrum {that of the sky} for about one month now, stimulating my brain with these tools at dawn & dusk every day, and my experience has been one of synaesthesia.

synaesthesia occurs when input received by the system which is linearly correlated with one sense stimulates more than that one sense, or stimulates the sense that is not customarily associated with said input. for example, you look at an image, and you “hear” it; the most common experience of people who have synaesthesia is that of hearing colour. in fact, this is the case of a close friend, who sees letters as colours, and i documented her experience in an article written for Plic, o revista nine years ago. back then, i was relating to her experience as an abstract, almost esoteric one, and wrote about it as such; as a foreign curiosity. i thought that you were either born with this neurological make-up or you were not.

experimenting on the AshZero platform opened my senses to experiencing synaesthesia, and to therefore experiencing input (such as colour, sound & visuals) in a multi-faceted fashion that seeped into all five senses. it made me reflect that my initial postulation of “you either have it or you don’t” was a limited one, and such an opening of the senses rests on technicality rather than on abstraction, while the potential to do so, which ultimately is to tap into different parts of the brain that are closed to us due to the linearity we entrench ourselves in, exists in all of us.

tools created by: Dr. Sumit Kesarkar || platform: AshZero || offering: Sounds of Śakti || my friend who accepted to be the subject of my study years ago: @radatreispe ❤️‍🔥.

Image Credit: AshZero.

AshZero Sound Explorations: The Mahāvidyā Kamalātmikā Algorithm

Téa NicolaeLeave a comment

i have been exploring the algorithm of the Mahāvidyā Kamalātmikā through sound pathway as facilitated by the AshZero offering of “Sounds of Śakti” for which @lensonearth created a series of sounds distilled from bījā mantra. the sounds are not chants nor articulated resonance; instead, they are what we see as a container through which sound is projected as shape. this model of absorption is a near non-linear oral transmutation which aims to follow the siddhānta (algorithm) of ṛṣi darśanāta (to understand more, watch “Vedas: All You Wanted to Know” by Dr. Kesarkar which expounds on how the Vedas originated from sound: https://youtu.be/mK6KdrmyOcg?si=t7vuad5g9kiLXCyF).

after experimenting with various abstract sound combinations for a week, i began continuously looping through one particular waveform.

with the awareness that it is in our humanness to prefer what is amiable and to make choices (such as that of which sound to absorb) based on what resonates with our sense projections, i aimed to renounce any bias and to absorb the sound for 3 weeks without expectations, familiarity or target. i listened to it in the morning and in the evening, 4 times each round.

gradually, the sound became integrated in my system; i became able to access it spontaneously, in the sensory exchanges occurring in my regular days. i noticed change in my perception of the events arising in my life as well as in my actions. as instructed, i aimed to avoid the natural urge to linearly make sense of it or to differentiate positive and negative effects arising of this flow. thus, i will not pinpoint what exactly changed in my life through the means of this sound, nor do i think it would be feasible or fruitful, as it causes validation toward a process – which is not the aim of application-based Tantra.

however, as an exercise, i decided to jot down the unfolding of a sound exploration that transpired in my first night in Rishikesh without any rationale other than an opening to the process possibly unlocking something within without a specific subconscious target.

i’m not sharing this with the intention to construct a mystical halo. mystical / energetic experience is ultimately just an experience – it can greatly help us open or gain clarity, but it’s important not to get caught up in it. the experience i am sharing simply demonstrates how sound can be absorbed by the system and nothing more, and has no inherent specialness.

as i sat by the Gaṅgā, the sound i have been imbibing spontaneously rang in my right ear at low volume. after a small dram of whisky taken as sacrament, the sound boomed in both of my ears. my heartbeat increased and various bodyparts, such as navel, feet and hands began pulsing. what i understand as “pleasure pathways” in my system fired. followingly, i directly listened to the sound with headphones, eyes open. after i finished listening, the sound overturned my thoughts and my experience became an immersion in the five senses (sight, touch etc).

sacrament choice: 6 y/o Highland Park independent bottle, 60.1%, which i got from Cadenhead’s at a Whiskybaba.in immersion in summer – i’m not a fan of OB (original / official bottling) of Highland Park but their IB (independent bottling) i think is a must try. 🙂

what is the real Tantra?

Téa NicolaeLeave a comment


at the beginning of my internal journey, i was desperate to find “the real thing”. my thought process was the following: the legacy of colonialism fuelled appropriation in the multicultural spiritual landscape and stripped traditions such as Yoga & Tantra off their complex nuances, which in turn became oversimplified replications of the streams in question, with Tantra bearing the brunt of postcolonial fetishisation and extreme oversexualisation. i was fascinated by the profound non-dual philosophy of Tantra, but i was worried that if i dived into it, i wouldn’t find “the real thing” in terms of practices, teacher and community. and so i read the books, the papers, the testimonies, and made myself lists with boxes to tick off. a list looked like: a well-defined lineage of practices and gurus, classical elements such as rituals, a grounding in an academic background etc… i ensured myself that if the boxes were ticked, i would find the “real thing”. the real Tantra. i would be set. i would find certainty.


yet i’m finding that the only certainty in life is uncertainty. ticking all the boxes i myself have created (in all areas of my life, this does not just apply to spirituality) ensures only the illusion of security. i can never be sure what the real stuff is, and ultimately the only “real thing” i can ever know is my experience. myself.


etymologically, tan-tra (तन्त्र) translates as “expansion-device”. where i’m at in my process is that i’ve stopped asking myself what the “real thing” is outside of me. the real thing is my experience. i don’t need to make sure if the place and the people i choose to be with are the “real thing” as long as i am expanding within. to be completely honest, i don’t care anymore. i am “here”. and i’m having an experience. and if the platform changes and the people go, i am still “here”, within myself, in my experience.


similarly, if i do not expand, i don’t need to stay where i think “the real thing” is just because i have convinced myself or logically reasoned through deductions that it was * it * – or was told was it.


so is there a real Tantra? a fake Tantra? perhaps. perhaps not. i don’t know. perhaps that’s the wrong question to ask. perhaps there is no answer – or if it is, it won’t come through logic or ticking appearance boxes.


perhaps when experience prevails, there is no need to ask this question or to differentiate between what could be real or what could be fake.


one certain thing is, i know i’m tired of doing anything else but be in my own experience.
and… you’ll know if you are expanding.