amaryllis (/ˌæməˈrɪlɪs/[1]) – named after the shepherdess in virgil's pastoral eclogues. it stems from the greek ἀμαρύσσω (amarysso).
today i presented my paper “purity, impurity & pollution in non-dual philosophy” at the “philosophy across disciplines” conference organised by newcastle university! it was my first time presenting at a conference! 
i was nervous and excited. incredibly grateful for this wonderful opportunity!
thrilled to have finally gotten my undergraduate dissertation printed & bound – a tangible copy to celebrate its one year anniversary! 
taking a moment to gush: my final year as an undergrad was so very precious to me, as it represented the first big leap i took with my writing. dissertation-wise, i wanted to focus on what Richard Leonard calls “the mystical gaze” of cinema: cinema’s arguably innate fascination with the esoteric that enables the viewer to encounter the transcendent. although my supervisor advised me that it could be a tricky topic, i felt curiously pulled to it and decided to trust my gut – and so, my dissertation addressed the archaic imagery emerging in commercial cinema as seen through a Jungian gaze & argued that cinematic archetypes unveil layers of the psyche.
while i immersed myself in mystical Jungian realms, esotericism concomitantly trickled into my poetry modules. i stepped out of my comfort zone & compiled a collection of occult poetry for my final year portfolio: the poems centred on constructing a numinous female gaze that coloured the experience of transcendental states.
it was magical to delve into the otherworldly and to construct my very own lyrical cosmos, which resulted in deep awe of our internal psychological processes. i grew, and, most importantly, i had fun! it turned out to be my most mature & appreciated work at that time, while i myself realised that what had been missing in my approach was passion! i was playing safe with my writing, unwilling to pursue what truly interested me out of fear. the fear made my writing & myself stale, dry of wonder or juiciness – which are two things i’ve become committed to seeking in all that i do. thank you, sleepless dissertation nights, for this! here’s to piercing through the fear & to taking big scary beautiful leaps!
God(dess) knows we need them!
and, journal-musing: this term has been so fruitful, despite working completely from home! i haven’t spent so much time at home since high school and, to an extent, i’ve felt like i was transported back to that time – minus the insecurities 
!
anyway, Mahābhārata’s been living in my head rent-free, and i’ve dedicated my time & research to writing about violence & religious conflict as they transpire in my beloved Kṛṣṇa’s actions and speech in the Kurukṣetra war & in the Bhagavad-gītā. 
additionally, i’m excited to be completing my first independent study, an exploration of issues of purity & impurity in non-dual philosophy, and to be undertaking a small research project into consumer spirituality and the relentless commodification that comes with it.
all in all, i am deeply grateful to be offered the opportunity to explore the marvellous Mahābhārata once more. its poetic teachings and ample cosmological symbolism have permeated through me and i often wish its universe would swallow me whole nonetheless, i’m certain that one needs to dedicate ten lifetimes to one parva, and i am not exaggerating ! as Vyāsa himself states in Ādi Parva: ~ what is found here, may be found elsewhere. what is not found here, will not be found elsewhere ~
i’ve never had so much workload crammed into such a short timespan, but i’ve been trying to savour the flavour of busyness. it’s alien to be doing all of this in my childhood home. it’s a fun parallel, though – whilst musing on the Bhagavad-gītā (by the way, we are exploring the B-g in our monthly satsaṅgs at #sabdainstitute with our beloved teacher Dr. Kavitha Chinnaiyan!), it dawned on me that i was so hungry for this knowledge in my teens, but i didn’t know where or how to look. it came to me in the end, and what a great joy it is ~ to sip the honey of “the stainless lotus of the Mahābhārata, born on the waters of the words of Vyāsa, fully blossomed through the grace of Hari…” ~ {my vague attempt at translating a śloka} 
mid-term study-break selfie
amaryllis 