thrilled to have finally gotten my undergraduate dissertation printed & bound – a tangible copy to celebrate its one year anniversary! 
taking a moment to gush: my final year as an undergrad was so very precious to me, as it represented the first big leap i took with my writing. dissertation-wise, i wanted to focus on what Richard Leonard calls “the mystical gaze” of cinema: cinema’s arguably innate fascination with the esoteric that enables the viewer to encounter the transcendent. although my supervisor advised me that it could be a tricky topic, i felt curiously pulled to it and decided to trust my gut – and so, my dissertation addressed the archaic imagery emerging in commercial cinema as seen through a Jungian gaze & argued that cinematic archetypes unveil layers of the psyche.
while i immersed myself in mystical Jungian realms, esotericism concomitantly trickled into my poetry modules. i stepped out of my comfort zone & compiled a collection of occult poetry for my final year portfolio: the poems centred on constructing a numinous female gaze that coloured the experience of transcendental states.
it was magical to delve into the otherworldly and to construct my very own lyrical cosmos, which resulted in deep awe of our internal psychological processes. i grew, and, most importantly, i had fun! it turned out to be my most mature & appreciated work at that time, while i myself realised that what had been missing in my approach was passion! i was playing safe with my writing, unwilling to pursue what truly interested me out of fear. the fear made my writing & myself stale, dry of wonder or juiciness – which are two things i’ve become committed to seeking in all that i do. thank you, sleepless dissertation nights, for this! here’s to piercing through the fear & to taking big scary beautiful leaps!
God(dess) knows we need them!
kneeling at the cradle of the skies and the seas,
Wrapped up in Yourself, You hid from me.
Lalla (or Lal Ded) was an enchanting Kashmiri mystic and saint, who created the prominent style of spiritual poetry known as “vakhs”. she wrote heart-wrenching, devotional poetry to Lord Śiva, who she was enamoured with. she wore nothing but the tresses of her long hair and lived the life of an ascetic: she renounced all worldly possessions and would wander, bare, sharing her wisdom and teachings. some lauded and worshipped her, some threw rocks at her, but she paid no mind. she wrote:
excited to share this collection of mine with you in the (far) future, when the time is right. 
amaryllis 