written in 2016 about a situationship in which both of us were more concerned with chasing greatness & stellar twilights than with each other. 🌊🌅
i think i wish i knew
what you’ve been reading,
what bands you’re into
and what dreams you’re weaving. (?)
it’s been one year and a half
since you’ve unfollowed me on instagram
and i’ve deleted you on facebook.
i miss you. (?)
i wonder if you wish you knew
that i’m writing again
that i dyed my hair
that i wear black lipstick and gold hoops.
i haven’t unblocked you out of prideful frailty
but i’ve conscientiously kept up the virtual appearances
one is lured to, follow parting.
i made up with the right friends,
posted pretty selfies,
changed my make-up just rightly.
i smiled widely in pictures
and avoided sharing sad poetry.
but you don’t know.
you don’t know that
i was torn the other day
that i changed therapists
that i’m playing keyboards in a rock band
yesterday,
my friend sent me a screenshot
of your new profile picture.
you looked good.
healthy and polished,
probably my opposite these days.
and you don’t know
that i sway to heartbreak pop at midnight
that i lost my mother’s ring
that on one cold night in london i sat beneath the twinkling lights and i thought
i knew who i was
i think i miss you,
but i’ve almost forgotten you.
i haven’t read your carefully written captions
and i haven’t seen your moles in over a year.
erasing each other from our social media
was a cleansing process.
i can’t even remember why we drifted apart.
i’m just pissed that you haven’t seen me blossoming,
because you unfollowed me on instagram.
and you won’t ever know
that i quit drinking coffee
that i learnt to swim
that i threw myself in the sea, wearing the dress you liked,
and the dress stuck to my thighs
and for once
i ceased to feel unwanted
like your casual distance used to make me feel.
@songs.of.youth on amazon: ~
kindle: https://amzn.eu/d/0duef5g
paperback: https://amzn.eu/d/0duef5g
amaryllis 