to seal my heart / is to deprive myself of God | bhakti poem by téa nicolae

in the depths of betrayal,

do not, under any circumstance,

seal your heart.

for years, you intricately

pushed yourself to unglue it.

to forfeit that effort

is to lose the rawness of God

tasting herself in you

as both the flutter in your womb

and as the pain in your left lung.

to seal my heart
is to deprive myself of God.

in this life,
there is much i have allowed.

but this,
this, i will not allow.


~ note to myself. 🖤

Quick, quick, quick, quick!—the gates are drawn apart

Oxford, in bloom! a wonder to walk where the great C.S. Lewis & J. R. R. Tolkien walked. 🌸 i ventured on Addison’s Walk, where C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien & Hugo Dyson most famously discussed myth, philosophy and religion while pacing through the trees. Lewis recounted a walk of theirs to his dear friend, writing as follows:
“These hauntingly beautiful lands which somehow never satisfy,—this passion to escape from death plus the certainty that life owes all its charm to mortality—these push you on to the real thing because they fill you with desire and yet prove absolutely clearly that in [William] Morris’s world that desire cannot be satisfied.
The [George] MacDonald conception of death—or, to speak more correctly, St Paul’s—is really the answer to Morris (…). He is an unwilling witness to the truth. He shows you just how far you can go without knowing God, and that is far enough to force you . . . to go further.”
Lewis later wrote a poem about Addison’s Walk:
“I heard in Addison’s Walk a bird sing clear:
This year the summer will come true. This year. This year.

Often deceived, yet open once again your heart,
Quick, quick, quick, quick!—the gates are drawn apart.”
source: Justin Taylor. 💗