king’s cross hotel – first draft

i’m watching the rain wash the streets
thinking, fuck! like a smith beating a hammer hot, i’ve been warring with myself for too long.

when i was sixteen, i thought i was meek
so i slid viciousness between my teeth
when i was nineteen, i thought i was cruel
so i choked on sugarcane, oblivious that
it is impossible to only sustain yourself on rock candy
when i was twenty-two, i thought i couldn’t trust myself with my heart, so i gifted it in a music box
in the hopes new hands would care better for it

i watch my thoughts drop like pearls on canvas and decide that
my gospel is the chambers in my chest

the chambers in my chest
housing sweetness
the sweetness of the tears streaming down my cheeks under the neon lights on oxford road
the sweetness of the rage carving my fingertips in sand dunes
the sweetness of baring myself soft to a new pair of well-meaning hands despite fears of being young in all the wrong ways

i listen to the waves of being echoing in my navel and wonder
what if
my path is one of softening instead of breaking
what if
i can trust myself with my heart?

last night i felt alive under the lamp poles and monsoon sky, listening to lana singing about harry nilsson whispering in her ear, “come on, baby, you can drive” and i thought
come on, baby, i will drive.

“king’s cross hotel”, quick poem i wrote this morning watching the rain. early rough draft so bear with me. 🖤

i untangle my youth by téa nicolae

*poem published and illustrated in tastzine. it was my first time having my poetry illustrated and i was over the moon ❤


i untangle my youth

in wild cities that make me squirm

thirstily clinging to fruit flavoured wine

and burning my tongue with round-shaped pills


i feel the party to my core

i dance violently

contorting my limbs

to trivial dance anthems

i throw myself against my friends’ bodies

hungry for empty affection


when i shut my eyes

i float

as the bass, the drums, the music

flow through my veins

and strengthen my bones


at closing time

we leave the dance floor holding hands

whispering untold truths

with damp cheeks

i tremble in my oversized coat

but i relish the warmth in our laced fingers


5:11 in the morning

we dance on the westminster bridge

spiralling in sequins,

i stretch my arms and roll my head

and the stars are closer

i twirl and i wish

i could cradle them in my hand


the ferris wheel glows and my friends sparkle

and i want to glue their faces to my mind


my best friend turns to me


with a glimmer in his eyes and chewing on a cigarette

“i wish my mother could be this happy”,

he says with adoration


i cry.

i untangle my youth
“This beautiful and vivid poem is by Tea Nicolae. It’s about being young and wild, and partying, and enjoying yourself just out of being yourself, right there right now.”