AshZero Sound Explorations: The Mahāvidyā Kamalātmikā Algorithm

i have been exploring the algorithm of the Mahāvidyā Kamalātmikā through sound pathway as facilitated by the AshZero offering of “Sounds of Śakti” for which @lensonearth created a series of sounds distilled from bījā mantra. the sounds are not chants nor articulated resonance; instead, they are what we see as a container through which sound is projected as shape. this model of absorption is a near non-linear oral transmutation which aims to follow the siddhānta (algorithm) of ṛṣi darśanāta (to understand more, watch “Vedas: All You Wanted to Know” by Dr. Kesarkar which expounds on how the Vedas originated from sound: https://youtu.be/mK6KdrmyOcg?si=t7vuad5g9kiLXCyF).

after experimenting with various abstract sound combinations for a week, i began continuously looping through one particular waveform.

with the awareness that it is in our humanness to prefer what is amiable and to make choices (such as that of which sound to absorb) based on what resonates with our sense projections, i aimed to renounce any bias and to absorb the sound for 3 weeks without expectations, familiarity or target. i listened to it in the morning and in the evening, 4 times each round.

gradually, the sound became integrated in my system; i became able to access it spontaneously, in the sensory exchanges occurring in my regular days. i noticed change in my perception of the events arising in my life as well as in my actions. as instructed, i aimed to avoid the natural urge to linearly make sense of it or to differentiate positive and negative effects arising of this flow. thus, i will not pinpoint what exactly changed in my life through the means of this sound, nor do i think it would be feasible or fruitful, as it causes validation toward a process – which is not the aim of application-based Tantra.

however, as an exercise, i decided to jot down the unfolding of a sound exploration that transpired in my first night in Rishikesh without any rationale other than an opening to the process possibly unlocking something within without a specific subconscious target.

i’m not sharing this with the intention to construct a mystical halo. mystical / energetic experience is ultimately just an experience – it can greatly help us open or gain clarity, but it’s important not to get caught up in it. the experience i am sharing simply demonstrates how sound can be absorbed by the system and nothing more, and has no inherent specialness.

as i sat by the Gaṅgā, the sound i have been imbibing spontaneously rang in my right ear at low volume. after a small dram of whisky taken as sacrament, the sound boomed in both of my ears. my heartbeat increased and various bodyparts, such as navel, feet and hands began pulsing. what i understand as “pleasure pathways” in my system fired. followingly, i directly listened to the sound with headphones, eyes open. after i finished listening, the sound overturned my thoughts and my experience became an immersion in the five senses (sight, touch etc).

sacrament choice: 6 y/o Highland Park independent bottle, 60.1%, which i got from Cadenhead’s at a Whiskybaba.in immersion in summer – i’m not a fan of OB (original / official bottling) of Highland Park but their IB (independent bottling) i think is a must try. 🙂

Contemplations on the Modern Spiritual Landscape

99% of the modern spiritual landscape thrives on enforcing worthlessness and dependency. there is something wrong with you, but you can be sold the cure. through this course. or this program. or this training structure.

this paradigm is packaged masterfully in esotericism and sanskrit terminology, with beacons of validatory hope offered that keep you hooked in a dopamine loop of hope: God loves you; you are God — which will mean nothing to you as long as your intrinsic experience of yourself continues to be one of absolute worthlessness.

once you are stuck in worthlessness while having access to no real tools to actually break through it, the reassuring promises of divine love or wholeness will act only as reinforcers of the one constant underlining message, which will continue to be, you are not worthy.

and because you are so excruciatingly insecure, you will believe it, and strive to become worthy. you will be cruel to yourself. you will give away your autonomy. you will beat yourself up for feeling anger or misalignment. for not being “surrendered”. for making what you fear are mistakes. you will compare yourself to others, you will become dependent on others. you will mistrust yourself. you will repress yourself.

you will think that the experience is anywhere but here, in you.

don’t fall for it.

only you can liberate yourself.

God is here and now.

She dances me to her call | bhakti poem by Téa Nicolae

in the depths of my being, She dances me to her call:

“come to me. I want all of you, my child. no part of you is too dark, too gritty, too cruel for me. I claim all of you.”

Māiyā! your waves carry your call and roll it against my chest. i seek you with my breath, eyes, hands, and knees. my lungs seek you like they seek air.

Ya Devī! soothing her tears,

Kṛṣṇa told Pāñcālī

that just as you, Śrī Gaṅgā, hold and wash all pollutions yet are ever-pristine,

so does the fallen empress remain untainted by her shame.

aches bathed in your luster,

i plead:

take all of me, Devī.

leave nothing of me behind.

establish me in knowing

that despite my wrongs, fears and corruptions, i, too,

your fragment in the microcosm,

remain unmarred.

may the holy flow of your untamed waters

sweeten the harshness i bear towards myself and the world

soften the rigid corners straining my being

loosen the knots hindering you from coursing within me.

Śrī Mātre Namaḥ. 🙏

photos: before & after bathing in the waters of Śrī Gaṅgā in the auspicious Gangotri. Śabda Yātra. 🙏 the blessing of blessings. 💙

The Call of the Himalayas

by Mahārājñī’s grace, my dream of India came true! 🥲 for five years, it has been an ardent wish of mine to see these lands. the answer to the call of the Himalayas came as a magnificent and expansive yātra which began in Rishikesh and traversed Uttarkashi, Gangotri, Bhojbasa, Gomukh, Barkot, Yamunotri. we trailed and trekked the mountains in worship of Devī in her forms as Śrī Gaṅgā & Śrī Yamunā. it was a journey of cellular transformation: explosive insights, breath-taking beauty, moving softness, immersion in the love and flow of Gaṅgā Devī.

most miraculously, we completed the arduous and most fulfilling trek of 36 km from Gangotri to Gomukh, the source of the Holy Gaṅgā, in two intense & magical days! 💙 i have never felt more alive than on this trail, immersed in the hum of Devī Gaṅgā and held in the lap of the mountains. every step taken was a challenge to my self-imposed limitations and ideas of myself – of who i am, of what i can do and achieve. every step taken taught me resilience and determination, as well as showed me that my strength springs from my longing. it has been most sacred to complete this trail and to come to be at the Source with my saṅgha. imbibing in Her exquisite vibrations, we worshipped Her through pūjā. we breathed, we smiled, we cried. i will remember this experience for the rest of my life with all the gratitude & awe my being can muster.

Śrī Mātre Namaḥ! Har Har Mahādeva! Hare Hare Gaṅge!!!

what is more, in Gangotri, we hiked to a cave where it is said that Draupadī and the Pāṇḍavas spent time while on exile, and had the fortune to meet the sādhu who has been living there, entrenched in tapasya. ♥️ i have felt the Mahābhārata vibrantly coming alive for me on our yātra; from being at Gaṅgā Devī’s feet, arguably the precursor of the Mbh’s unfolding, to reaching Yamunā Devī, whose shores welcomed Ambā, who burned herself on a pyre at Yamunā’s banks to gain Lord Śiva’s boon… these mystical lands are unparalleled in beauty, significance, power and history.

Hymn to the Empress of Kings by Téa Nicolae

Praise be to The Empress of Kings
seated on the throne of five corpses in the palace of ruby.


Her blinking eyes birth and collapse the cosmos,
and her crown is the lunar half-moon.


She whose reddened eyes roll ecstatically,
She is Mahātripurasundarī,
The Great Beauty of the Triads.


Praise be to Parā Aṃbikā,
of allure so exquisite that, enchanted,
Śiva grew his third eye just to worship her beauty.


Her body is anointed with sandalwood,
and her fragrance bathes and deludes the three worlds.


She is Śrīmātā,
The Auspicious Mother.


Praise be to Lalitā Aṃbikā,
The One Who Plays,
whose girdle of tinkling bells stirs creation into being.


She who gifts the sun his effulgence,
Her toenail holds the universes,
and Her auspicious thighs are known only by the fortunate Kāmeśvara.


She is Kāmākṣī,
She whose eyes are desire.


Bhavānī,
you are the nectar of the ocean of compassion:
grace this songstress to only sing of your praises.


🌺 “Hymn to the Empress of Kings”, one of my poems offered to Devī at the magnificent Siri Jyoti Pūjā in Seattle. inspired by the verses of the Lalitāsahasranāma which extoll Lalitā’s rapturous beauty. Śrī Mātre Namaḥ. Happy Navarātra!

ecstatic sculptures of the Devīs & the Devas at the Ashmolean Museum, Oxford

ecstatic sculptures of the Devīs & the Devas at the Ashmolean Museum, Oxford, one of the oldest museums in the world! 🤍 awe!

pictured:

• Śiva & Pārvatī tenderly embracing each other (alternatively titled ‘Umā-Maheśvara).

• Pārvatī as the enthralling Gaurī. Mahārājñī!

• the beautiful Pārvatī making the kaṭakahasta gesture

• Viṣṇu ruling with his śakti, Lakṣmī, seated on his lap as her throne (alternatively titled Lakṣmī-Nārāyaṇa)

• the radiant Goddess Siddhā holding lotuses

• victorious Durgā slaying Mahiṣāsura

• dancing Ganeśa

• yet another depiction of Durgā slaying Mahiṣāsura

• two sculptures of the enrapturing Viṣṇu

• Viṣṇu birthed as Rāma

Path to Devī: Detroit, UMMA & the Siri Jyoti Pūjā

i have had the great fortune to visit the United States for the very first time to be with my saṅgha, and, during my trip, i had the opportunity to visit UMMA. i was mesmerised by its South Asian collection! not only are the sculptures magnificent in their precision and beauty, but their descriptive texts are poetry. attaching excerpts below. ♥️

1. Durgā on her lion mount

“In caves and temples, in metal and stone, artists captured the ferocious energy of the Goddess as revealed in her heroic victory [over Mahiṣāsura]. Here, her quiet grace signifies her boundless strength. Her round breasts and belly push forth from beneath her skin, indicating the distinctly feminine force behind her awesome capacities.”

2. Vārāhī

“She is boar-headed, and her rear hands would have held signature weapons. She has taut, youthful flesh and full breasts, signifying fecundity. Her crossed legs form a cradle, offering a tender sanctuary.”

3. Devī

4. Śiva as Bhairava

“Śiva’s sensuous pose and levity communicate liberation as a result of contemplating death in lone wanderings through vast cemeteries.”

5. Pot-bellied Ganeśa, endearing and gentle

6. Viṣṇu

“There is an intimate relationship between the God’s body and his sculptural surroundings: two arms are embedded in the plane behind him, while two project forward, echoing the curved bell of his hips. A garland unites the planes of carving in an elliptical halo, framing his body for the gaze of his devotees.”

7. Śiva

“Here, he is shown in his role as the divine ascetic or yogi, unclad but for an animal skin about his loins, with matted hair piled high on his head.”

8. Viṣṇu as Varaha

“The body of Viṣṇu’s boar-headed incarnation, Varaha, forges a diagonal bolt through this sculpture. His right foot is planted decisively at the corner of its projecting base; his left is flexed for leverage on a lotus pedestal. Against these rooting forces, his body surges upward, culminating in an acutely raised snout”.

days of sweetness, study, laughter & wonder spent in retreat in Detroit! days of belonging, of returning home.

finally… an ode to the Siri Jyoti Pūjā! it is difficult to imagine a more beautiful way to spend my first day in the United States than by attending the Siri Jyoti Pūjā (“the wealth of light”, pūjā designed by Śrī Amṛtananda Natha Sarasvatī), conducted by my beloved teacher. ❤️♥️❤️ to have offered my poetry to Devī & Nārāyaṇa within this pūjā has been most precious… overflowing!

“to sing and dance through the Śrī Cakra”… (Śrī Vidyā Trust)

The Siri Jyoti Pūjā, which translates as “wealth of light”, is an exceedingly auspicious ritual designed by Śrī Amṛtananda Natha Sarasvatī, affectionately known as Guruji. The Pūjā is described by the Śrī Vidyā Trust of Devipuram as a group ritual that is performed to the Śrīcakra, which opens one to the immense benefits of performing the cakra pūjā within: “Doing this enables us to enjoy life, sing, and dance through it.”

anugraha (अनुग्रह)

the Guhyāsādhanā-tantra tells us that fortunate are those who become the śiṣyas of a teacher, and even more fortunate are those blessed to become the śiṣyas of a strī-guru, the latter only accomplished after lifetimes of sādhanā. so unimaginable is my fortune as a student of Kavithaji Ammā, who has guided me to see glimpses of the beauty and truth veiled inside me and in all that is – who is polishing my rough edges so they can one day shine like diamonds. to finally be with Ammā & with the saṅgha in-person has been the greatest gift. śrī mātre namaḥ! śrī gurubhyo namaḥ! ♥️

the winter Śabdācāra retreat: the most beautiful moments of my life, spent in one of the most beautiful places, with the most beautiful people. tears, intimacy, connection, love, grace, flow, tenderness, and sweet vulnerability – all rushing through the light of the guru. dearest saṅgha, i did not know love before you.

♥️ photos by Holly, Prashanthi & me. ♥️

saṅgha, guru, my guru’s guru, and guru’s grace.